#Adulthood

Today I was reminded of my mortality through two events which I participated in willingly.  Each one on its own is a signal and the two together acted rather like a hammer.

1. I filled out a recommendation for two friends of mine (peers, married, both a little younger than me) to be foster parents.  They'll be great.  I'll try to keep this jade plant of mine alive.
   
2. I went to an event in Grand Rapids called: [RESTORATION & REVITALIZATION: An Ongoing Community Conversation Series: "Gentrification with Justice"]--and I was complimented on my socks by another adult.  To be fair my socks were totally on fleek, so it was justified.

Thomas the agnostic disciple

The Incredulity of Saint Thomas (Caravaggio)

 Agnosticism, in fact, is not a creed, but a method, the essence of which lies in the rigorous application of a single principle ... Positively the principle may be expressed: In matters of the intellect, follow your reason as far as it will take you, without regard to any other consideration. And negatively: In matters of the intellect do not pretend that conclusions are certain which are not demonstrated or demonstrable.
// Thomas Henry Huxley

 The apostle Thomas is an agnostic from his first response to the news that Jesus had risen:

The other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he replied, “Unless I see the wounds from the nails in his hands, and put my finger into the wounds from the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe it!”
// John 20:25

It's not an uncommon response.  In fact, it has been my response at one time (and time again...).  Many of the people that I met in graduate school had this mindset, rather unsurprisingly.  It is essentially the practice of science.  Without evidence, there can be no worthwhile claims.

One of my best friends at PSU called himself an agnostic-atheist.  He does not believe there is a god, but perhaps would given enough evidence.  In practice, he is an atheist--I find it difficult to conceive of an event or circumstance that would validate his belief in God, though I of course cannot rule it out (nor would I want to).  He has a valid view; it's not one that I hold personally for a number of reasons, but it's nevertheless valid.

We can learn a lot from Thomas--for instance, how to respond to unbelief.  The disciples didn't convince him...Jesus did, with his appearance.  Perhaps this is why we see Christian apologetics fail to "convince" atheists, agnostics, etc.--because we are placing the burden on our reasoning and logic (often from premises that one party DOES NOT ACCEPT!).  Letting the Spirit work through us, as Jesus worked in Thomas is a much more fruitful exercise.  I pray often that God will work in spite of the words from my asinine lips.

Show me the parts of scripture where the disciples browbeat someone into belief before you go about evangelism that way.  Do life following Jesus; do it unapologetically (different meaning of the word, haha!); and do it unafraid to talk about inconsistencies and things you don't yet understand--God will show up.

Cheating the Polygraph

Gavin Harrison, drummer extraordinaire, has done something pretty awesome with his favorite Porcupine Tree tracks.

We're talking about a big band arrangement.  If you were one of us spellbound by floating, spinning and kaleidoscopic codeine pills during Anesthetize...you will probably appreciate the new album.  The tracks are able to stand on their own, yet pay overwhelming homage to the originals.

As someone who grew up playing trombone in band for years, this album really appealed to me--it's a great mix of big band, classical and jazzy styles all within one.  Each track has its own kind of life and direction.  Want some exquisitely played flute?  Try "What Happens Now".  Interested in a jazzy fugue?  Maybe go with "the Start of Something Beautiful".  A fleshed out big band hit is "Anesthetize.  GET SOME!

It's not something I would have ever thought to ask for, but I'm really glad it was made.

Here is the original "Anesthetize" live:


And here are some select bits from Cheating the Polygraph:


Gavin does an interview (with Laurence Cottle, arranger) on the album:

Janelle Monáe

I'm on a huge Janelle Monáe kick right now (even if she's not for male consumption ^o^...she is universally appealing and her message applies to everyone!).

She's talented, beautiful, thought-FULL and thought-PROVOKING!  Her fashion is clean cut and straight dirty--classic and refined.  I mean, c'mon, does she not have the best hair you've ever seen?  Hot damn.

You may be familiar with her work in collaboration with Fun.--she sings in "We Are Young."



But she is a prolific solo artist.  Some of my favorites lately are: Q.U.E.E.N. and Yoga.


Q.U.E.E.N. is brilliant and has a beat to die for.  This track is smart lyrically and actually has a message.  How odd.

And is it true we're all insane?
And I just tell 'em, "No we ain't" and get down
I heard this life is just a play with no rehearsal
I wonder will this be my final act tonight

Are we a lost generation of our people?
Add us to equations but they'll never make us equal
She who writes the movie owns the script and the sequel
So why ain't the stealing of my rights made illegal?
They keep us underground working hard for the greedy
But when it's time pay they turn around and call us needy
My crown too heavy like the Queen Nefertiti
Gimme back my pyramid, I'm trying to free Kansas City

How does Yoga do for a sexy hook?  Uh, really?  Yeah.

And...it's also an anthem for equal gender standards!

Crown on my head but the world on my shoulder
I'm too much a rebel, never do what I’m supposed ta
Bend it never break it, baby watch and I’ma show ya
Stretching on my cash, got my money doing yoga

Sometimes I'm peachy, and sometimes I'm vulgar
Even when I’m sleeping I got one eye open
You cannot police me, so get off my areola
Get off my areola

If you haven't heard of her, you're welcome.  If you had, you're welcome.  It took months of my friends Vince and Jade posting about a Janelle lady before I finally checked her out.  That's on me.  But here we are.  Let your booty do that yoga!

Baritone ukulele versatility

I don't have a lot of experience playing the ukulele.

It was in 2011 that I started playing around with my sister's concert ukulele.  I was new to guitar at the time, and didn't know any chords on the uke, but it was pretty easy to play when she showed me a few.

It was 6 months later, in the spring after my first semester in graduate school that I bought my first ukulele, to go along with the acoustic guitar I'd been playing to relax myself after work/school at night.

My first uke was a little Kala Makala tenor (MK-T).  I played it with the stock strings for a few years before finally replacing them.  My guitar playing is not great by any stretch of the imagination, and I loved that the uke let me play chords like 'F' much more easily than on the guitar, so I could play many more songs without dealing with crazy transpositions.

The fingerings for the chords were all different of course, since the tenor/concert/soprano are all tuned differently than the guitar.  No problem though, there are only 4 strings, so it came pretty quickly--the nylon strings were much easier to play in comparison to steel too!

I finally picked up a baritone after a few years of searching.  And I've found that it's basically the perfect instrument to act as bridge to both the guitar and the other sizes of ukulele.

1. The baritone ukulele is tuned the same as the highest four strings on the guitar.  If you learn chords on the baritone, you will have an easy transition to the guitar, only needing to add two more strings.
   
2. If you learn chords on the baritone and want to play other ukuleles, YOU CAN!  The chords will be different, but the fingerings still all correspond to chords.  Perhaps you learned a song on your baritone, but want to try your friend's concert--you can play the song exactly the same, it will just be a transposed version.
   
3. Ukes tend to be a little cheaper than guitars.  The first one I bought was around $80 and I've been playing it non-stop for three years now.  I opted to go with a higher quality one for my baritone and have been very happy with it--you get what you pay for, but the barrier to entry is pretty low.

P.S. the Kala KA-B sounds like magic.  Gives me shivers.

Political gospel

This is a bit of a quiet rant.  And it's a little vulgar, so if you're offended, that's on you, because you read further or listened.  Of course if you have some beautiful thoughts to share that fly in my face, please feel free to do so.



Political gospel
I'm sick of all this fucking shit.
I'm tired of living in a country with an uninformed electorate (of which I am a member).
Let's elect leaders, career bigots, hypocrites and panderers, Saints of Latter days that uphold "family values".

Our system of governance is propelled by campaigns that smear instead of advocate.
Polarization and extremism are in vogue, and bipartisanship is worth fuck-all--it means you're weak.
The religious right has conflated gospel and conservatism--if you lean left, you don't love Jesus.  Because Jesus said to love those just like us and above all else to preserve our way of life.

Do you remember when we prayed to bless Reagan and the Bushes?  Now it's, "fuck the Clintons and Obama."  Why should God bless people just like us?  Didn't you hear, Obama's a Muslim and hates Christians?
Do you find it hard to believe that we have gay marriage and women pastors?  How far have we slid as a nation to bequeath human rights?

Americans aren't God's chosen people--some of God's people are Americans.  Now, stop rank-ordering sins and listen:

"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God." // Romans 13:1

And just remember:

"...not my will, but yours be done." // Luke 22:42

Sloats and Frains: Johannisnacht memories

It is tremendous to recall,
     at any instant,
          the way you felt and the atmosphere and the warmth of a summer night
               and the wine and the conversations that became fluid yet deep and the wine
          and the second languages that somehow transcended fluency and the wine
     and the two next to you who started spontaneously yet sloppily making out
and the wine and a great rendition of "American Pie" at a Mainz festival and the wine
     and the train you missed as you were stumbling back helping to half-carry
          the woman who made out with someone she never would have 3 hours prior
               and the wine and the expensive taxi ride back to Ingelheim
          and offering to save some money by running back from Gau-Algesheim to Ingelheim
     but that being shot down because you were being stupid though chivalrous.
          Of course memory has two edges, and the other edge can make you bleed
               5, 10, or 1000 times
                    from the same raw wound--

that is why humans share with those we care about.

"And to the glorious past:

You've opened my window but broken the glass.
And I beseech thee, 'shed thy beauty.'
For as a child leaves the womb and learns the cold,
you have taught us perils in the present,
and you will bring us peril in our surely-soon-to-be. Unless…

The river's not flooded this time."
// La Dispute, Said the King to the River

Cancer, cell culture and time management

When I was a graduate student at Penn State I studied chemical engineering, but really I did cell biology.

My project was to understand better how tumor cells, such as melanoma, interact with normal cells in our blood vessels.  In specific I looked at the way A2058 melanoma used soluble and mechanical signals to induce changes in HPM-EC and HUV-EC endothelial cell behavior (the paper is linked on my About Me page if you're interested).

Studying this interaction poses an interesting logistics problem: tumor and endothelial cells grow at very different rates and to different densities, and we want to study them together--a lot.

For this to happen:

1. Both types of cells must be ready on the same day at the same time.  Not only that, but the testing scaffold that has endothelial cells growing on it takes a different amount of time to grow together than the cells do growing in a normal dish.
   
2. The experiments need to be completed at roughly the same cell age each time.  Both types of cells needed to be taken care of at least every three days, and usually more often, depending on if they had grown fast enough, and what they were for.
   
3. Sometimes the cells need to be grown for a special period of time, before the media they were grown in could be harvested.  This was a different growth density.
   
4. Experiments must be continuously started, worked up, stopped and analyzed--and many experiments require results from the previously completed one to inform the conditions of the next one.
   Essentially, I had to have 3-12 plates of up to 6 cell types growing to be able to balance the experiment schedule my adviser and I had set up.

I am convinced that one of the most important lessons I learned in graduate school is time management.

This is not an abnormal case.  Students do this all the time.  It is simply a skill and life to be learned.  We did it day in, and day out, 7 days a week for 12-16 hours a day.

All that to say, when my time management skills are criticized at my current job, I'm somewhat skeptical.  Today it meant that there was an unexpected shortage at a client and frustration was directed my way.  Sometimes people have a lesson they just really think you need.  And I'm ok with that.  I learned exactly how I'm expected to prioritize a particular account.  There is utility there.

So, if you ever want to develop some kicka$$ time management skillz, complete a graduate program doing cell culture.  As an aside, I'm certain that I will never purposely step into a cell culture lab with the intention of working there for protracted periods of time.

Modern book of psalms?

Psalm,תהילים , is the word for praise in Hebrew.  The psalms in the Bible draw from a wide variety of themes, from lament to hymn to thanksgiving--human conditions.

The writers make their case before God, cry out and offer praise from circumstances both favorable and wretched.

The list of songs that follow are some of my own laments and praises.  They all mean something to me in one way or another, and remind me of very particular periods in my life--either of struggle or peace.  There are only three in the list that are considered "Christian music" in any real way--however all are thoughtfully written.

Seven Swans by Sufjan Stevens [lyrics]
   This album by Stevens could easily be a Psalm 119 type of chapter.  As I listen I hear wondering about how we fit into God's kingdom now and to come--what does the life in us mean?  And how are we to celebrate that?  Sacrifice perhaps--the Way has come.

Everything rises, going at it all
All the surprises in a size too small
And what if I told you
I was still in love with this?
Would you surprise us
In a size for all of me?
[from "Size Too Small"]

Be Thou My Vision, ancient hymn from Ireland [lyrics]
   Hymns make a pretty obvious choice of inclusion for a list like this.  BTMV has been a favorite of mine for many years.  It is comforting to sing of a God that is everything we need, especially in the face of our own failures, confusion and loss.
   When you sing the last verse in a church with hundreds of people around you, it's hard for your heart not to sing and swell.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art;
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

The Jazz (We've Got) by a Tribe Called Quest [lyrics]
   This track has a very communal feel to it.  Phife and Q-tip pay homage to their followers, fans and fellow musicians.  They celebrate the universal appeal of the music and peace/unity, in contrast to groups like N.W.A. at the time:

Do it for the strong, we do it for the meek
Boom it in your boom it in your boom it in your Jeep
Or your Honda or your Beemer or your Legend or your Benz
The rave of the town to your foes and your friends

The tranquility will make you unball your fist
For we put Hip Hop on a brand new twist

Messiah by George Frideric Handel [lyrics]
   The Messiah actually draws from the Psalms among other passages in the Bible.  It is a jaw dropping work of art.  I have had the pleasure of hearing it in it's entirety in concert, and likely several times over in my father's tan Acclaim as a child.
   Standing and singing during the chorus is like nothing else.  It can be heard, but should really be experienced.

Thus saith the Lord, the Lord of Hosts:
Yet once a little while and I will shake the heavens and the earth,
the sea and the dry land.
And I will shake all nations; and the desire of all nations shall come.
(Haggai 2:6-7)

Place to Be by Nick Drake [lyrics]
   My friend Justin put this song on a mixtape to the high school seniors in 2007; I still listen to it periodically.  Of course now I have the album, but this song alone still reminds me of the process of coming of "age".  And that it really doesn't stop--or get lighter and easier.  Sometimes it gets really, really dark--stygian.

And I was strong, strong in the sun
I thought I'd see when day is done
Now I'm weaker than the palest blue
Oh so weak in this need for you

Still Fighting It by Ben Folds [lyrics]
   This song is akin to Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle" (which I always thought was written and performed by Cat Stevens, until 5 seconds before I wrote this...).  It speaks to growing up and how no matter the way you do it, growing up isn't easy.  There will be regrets and broken hopes and dreams.  It's deliciously melancholy.  No one wants to see anyone repeat their mistakes, be it their children, or younger siblings.

It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you'd feel the same things

Shall Never Lose It's Power by La Dispute [lyrics]
   La Dispute are very clear that their music does not reflect a belief in God, and that themes of spirituality aren't necessarily intended from a Christocentric perspective.  And that makes it accessible to a lot of people.  LD also point out that art is not isotropic--there are many different ways to experience a piece of art or song, aside from the meaning the writer ascribes to it.

And what's left is a heartbeat, speaking;
"hands off your fate, child, you'll bury yourself in mistakes."
Like a dream that i had of lost faith it fades away but still thunders onward
Every pulse was a hand with its palm up
Fed with bodies and bread soaked in blood
Somewhere, someday, it'll leave but tell me, someone
Where does it go?

I Don't Know by Dredg [lyrics]
   I've actually written about this song previously in 2013.  Dredg write extensively about concepts of faith, losing/lost faith and belief.
   The narrator struggles with the purpose of life, and of not knowing...anything about the nature of reality and the past.  This is essentially my anthem most days.  At the end of the song, the conclusion is: "So I'll just go on living my way".  I wish I could resolve this dissonance logically, but I can't, and no one can.  And that's where faith comes in, and why the struggle is real--if you claim to truly know, you are deluding yourself.  It's ok to be comfortable with doubts--remember Thomas?

Well I don't know what to believe anymore
But every now and then I feel a moment of awakening
But then it's gone, then it's gone, then it's gone
I'm blanketed by the warmth of ignorance

Desert Song by Hillsong UNITED [lyrics]
   DS is of brokeness and need.  It's about bringing praise when everything sucks.  Not because things are better, and not because we think they will be, but because.

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Life and Love and Why by Switchfoot [lyrics]
   One of Switchfoot's more early and melancholy songs/albums really resonated with my teenage self, and still does today.  They pose real questions that deserve an answer--could it be true, can life be new?

Take away from me
This monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's
Not gonna solve nothing tonight
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for

Could it be this
Could this be bliss
Could it be all that
I ever had missed
Could it be true
Can life be new
And can I be used
Can I be used

Love and Some Verses by Iron & Wine [lyrics]
   Is love unconditional?

Love and some verses you hear
Say what you can say
Love to say this in your ear "I'll love you that way"
From your changing contentments
What will you choose for to share?

Suggestions from friends:
Hurt by Johnny Cash
Greetings from Michigan--The Great Lakes State by Sufjan Stevens
Sea Change and Morning Phase by Beck
Adagio for Strings by Barber
Great Are You Lord by All Sons & Daughters

A modern canon?

4/10/15 EDIT:

After going over some scholarship on the development and formation of the canon, I think it is important to clarify a few terms, times and misconceptions.

First, on the subject of timeline, the new testament canon was nearly universally accepted by the third century, as the letters (John's revelation and last 7 in particular) finally made their way around through the churches and were taken as direct inspiration.  The 1825 date I refer to is only when the apocrypha were no longer included as edifying literature by protestants.

Second, with respect to the title of this post, it would be more appropriate to title it, "Personal edifying literature", or "Personal apocrypha."  This is not only more accurate in light of doctrine of canon and its development, but it is closer in theme to what I was hoping to accomplish with this post.  My thought was to explore the literature that has been personally influential in each of our lives--that which causes us to think deeper thoughts of God.  To suggest that the canon needs an "update" or changes is not what I meant to imply.

With that, here is my personal apocrypha:

The church decided on the canon that protestants affirm over centuries.  This canon in particular has remained the same since 1825 at latest, when the apocrypha were no longer included at all (they had been often included, though noted non-canonical).

Since 1825 however, and indeed since the middle ages, a great portion of literature has been written pertaining to theological themes and the human condition in relation to God or a divine being.

I don't mean to be heretical here, but rather to give pause and think about what a modern canon might look like--divine inspiration is a mysterious topic in any case, and who am I to put it in a box?  From the meager reading that I have done, I would include the following expressions of the human condition,
     how it is to relate to "other",
          to the divine
               and our own place in the cosmos
                    (for this is what I understand the essence of the Bible to be):

  1. the Brothers K by David James Duncan

This novel is a beautiful story of one American family before, during and after the Vietnam War.  Each member responds differently to their own crises and to the rest of the family.  They are broken people--some respond in faith, others in anger and wrath, shutting everyone out--and their journey is remarkable.

  2. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

I was given this book by my friend Justin Beck upon graduation from high school.  Miller tells a number of stories and vignettes about belief, confession, romance, magic, problems and love (the names of some chapters in fact).  It's an honest look at the journey of one man: funny, relatable and raw.

  3. Night by Eli Wiesel

Wiesel recounts his experience of the Holocaust in this dark, grim read.  Night brings to light some of the worst that humans have done to each other from the eyes of one of the descendents of Abraham.  Life is not always good.

  4. The Crucible by Arthur Miller

The Crucible is a play that recounts the Salem witch trials within a community of faith.  Miller shows both the best and most reprehensible actions that men and women claiming the cross will take in the name of their faith, however misguided they may be.  Some lines that I have always found to give me shivers:

    End of Act III

Proctor, his mind wild, breathless: I say--I say--God is dead!
Parris: Hear it, hear it!
Proctor, laughs insanely, then: A fire, a fire is burning! I hear the boot of Lucifer, I see his filthy face!  And it is my face, and yours, Danforth!  For them that quail to bring men out of ignorance, as I have quailed, and as you quail now when you know in all your black hearts that this be fraud--God damns our kind especially, and we will burn, we will burn together!

     Middle of Act IV

Hale, continuing to Elizabeth: Let you not mistake your duty as I mistook my own. I came into this village like a bridegroom to his beloved, bearing gifts of high religion; the very crowns of holy law I brought, and what I touched with my bright confidence, it died; and where I turned the eye of my great faith, blood flowed up. Beware, Goody Proctor - cleave to no faith when faith brings blood. It is mistaken law that leads you to sacrifice. Life, woman, life is God's most precious gift; no principle, however glorious, may justify the taking of it. I beg you, woman, prevail upon your husband to confess. Let him give his lie. Quail not before God's judgement in this, for it may well be God damns a liar less than he that throws his life away for pride. Will you plead with him? I cannot think he will listen to another.

  5. Letter from a Birmingham Jail by Martin Luther King Jr.

Dr. King writes from jail after his arrest, on April 16, 1963.  He expounds on the injustice in America that people of color face and on the systems and people that facilitate it.  The letter is written (and addressed even) to fellow clergymen, the church as a call to action and a reminder of what the church is.  Some selected portions:

But more basically, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the prophets of the eighth century B.C. left their villages and carried their "thus saith the Lord" far beyond the boundaries of their home towns, and just as the Apostle Paul left his village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to the far corners of the Greco Roman world, so am I compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my own home town. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid.

In deep disappointment I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church. How could I do otherwise? I am in the rather unique position of being the son, the grandson and the great grandson of preachers. Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists.

But the judgment of God is upon the church as never before. If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century. Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust.

I hope this letter finds you strong in the faith. I also hope that circumstances will soon make it possible for me to meet each of you, not as an integrationist or a civil-rights leader but as a fellow clergyman and a Christian brother. Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.

   6. Love Wins by Rob Bell

 I wrote this bit last and with trepidation; there is so much bitterness and division among Christians over Bell's book--it is truly polarizing.  Many say it is heretical and promotes universalism.  Many of its harshest critics have also not read it.

My reading of "Love Wins" exposed me to questions I had never thought or dared to ask about God, Heaven and Hell.  To me, that was the point of this book.  It is not to provide answers, but to ask difficult questions--some we may never know the answers to.  I don't vilify Bell for writing it.  I'm thankful he dared to ask.  I hope you'll dare to read it, and have an open mind.

   7. City Upon a Hill by John Winthrop

Part of Winthrop's "A Model of Christian Charity" sermon, given in passage to the Massachusetts Bay Colony.  American exceptionalism aside, Winthrop calls for unity among the body of colonists, and in God:

for wee must Consider that wee shall be as a Citty upon a Hill, the eies of all people are uppon us; soe that if wee shall deale falsely with our god in this worke wee have undertaken and soe cause him to withdrawe his present help from us, wee shall be made a story and a byword through the world, wee shall open the mouthes of enemies to speake evill of the wayes of god and all professours for Gods sake

  8. Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe

The memory from a lover of their beloved--the narrator blames the world and kinsmen and the wind for the death of Annabel Lee, and even scorns the envy of angels and demons.  The poem is a beautiful, lilting story of human love and loss:

And neither the angels in Heaven above

Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

  9. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

Somewhat self explanatory, the Chronicles are a look at the kingdom of heaven through an alternate universe.  Lewis himself denied them as allegory, writing to a Mrs. Hook (the following quotation is taken from wikipedia):

'What might Christ become like if there really were a world like Narnia, and He chose to be incarnate and die and rise again in that world as He actually has done in ours?' This is not allegory at all.

10. To Be Alone With You by Sufjan Stevens

This song is simple.  At its heart is sacrificial love.  Stevens makes a hauntingly beautiful statement.  The album in its entirety could be included as modern psalms.  And that is a topic for another post.

My short list is woefully incomplete.  What would you include?  What do you hate about my list?  Add a comment or write your own and link it!

the remainder of November's winter

I found this tidbit on a scrap of paper today, while unpacking and exterminating the contents of another box.  It's a little alliterative reminder of yesteryear's winter, during the throes of a fresh new April:

Slowly, snow's soft caress hides hills, tips trees, blankets buildings...
I wake to a washed world, and cannot contain myself.
--
SEP 11-27-12

Can't. Even.

I've never actually put on a buttondown shirt completely insideout before this morning.

And for my next trick: the illusion of functional adulthood.

Engaging while absorbing: retention and friendship

Sometimes I find myself looking back over an impassible crevasse--toward the 'learning' in my past.

As a child I spent an inordinate amount of time in the universes of myriad books.  My experiences were immersive and complete.  I would feel emotional and attached to the book and characters after it was completed; there was a sense of loss.

In fact, much of my childhood learning was as a sponge.  I wanted to hear everything that could be heard, see everything that could be seen, and contain it within my brain.  But I now realize that learning was for me a drug.  Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot from reading, and as a result have a modest vocabulary--almost a novelty.  The point is, I was messily gulping down information and reading because it entertained me; I drew pleasure from the sheer consumption of it.

The rift I gaze back over separates a kind of rampant engorgement from a more self- and information-awareness.  I have found the necessity and beauty in engaging with information and novels, rather than objectifying them.  As a result my interactions with material are more meaningful and represent a collection of ideas that I am able to reference and use rather than simply remember vaguely (in an emotional sense).

My new awareness stems from my experience in graduate school.  I never really fell in love with 'the literature' because I had spent so much time objectifying it that retention was a Herculean task to me.  Only in the last year have I been able to appreciate a new understanding of 'the literature'.  One of my professors suggested that I think of it as my friend.  The scientific papers and discoveries ought to be a kind of friend to you.  You know all about them, their quirks and idiosyncrasies, and can place their names with faces (plots, charts, graphs, authors, journals, university).

When I look at my bookshelf now, I remember not just stories and characters, but ideas and themes, authors and their cultural contexts.  I am friends with these books.  They come with me and inform my new experiences--I think about them often.

My favorite spam comment

From time to time I am honored to receive witty and vivacious spam comments on my quiet, little, unassuming blog.  The most recent offering is a clear winner.  The link can't be followed, don't worry:

"Sometimes giving simply your schedule can definitely generate another individual smile," in acсordance աith the website.
Unlеss yoս might ƅe purchasing advertsing yoսrself, thе only method to generate foot traffic iѕ with
attractivfe сontent. That's the ultimate way to confuse уour website visitors mɑking iit hard foг them to gеt іnformation.
mү webpage; eliminate cancer

There are a few obvious highlights to this gem:

1) The upside down 'm' used as a 'w', and the oddball 'Y' used as a 'y'.

2) Suggesting that my goal should be to confuse visitors to my blog and make it difficult for them to get information.

3) Giving my schedule to generate another individual smile...in accordance with the website of course.

4) My purpose is to generate foot traffic with attractive content.

5) 'my webpage; eliminate cancer' was a nice final touch to build rapport: who even likes cancer anyway?

Life observed

An examined life requires sufficient pause to
Appreciate dirty ice in the sun baked median.
Unexpected joy is being present--driving through
An icy landscape of chopped corn in a warm car.

Pale, late winter sun warms my face and legs,
Begging me to roll down the window.
I hear the distant sound of birds' wings beating;
Still remote, robins nearly precipitate from the air.

Between the legs of a lonely stop sign dead grass
Shakes and jitters with the chill spring wind.
Take its name while you wait for the light to turn--
The sum total of its purpose a glance before work.

original word

word struggles and pushes through layers in a cortex. word fights to gain meaning, dragging nuance, context and entendre. word leaves a crumb trail in its flouncing, disruptive wake.

But lo, a word materializes not ex nihilo.  A word nucleates from the desire to convey, to paint with a brush upon the mind.  Borne into being by prosaic utility or by passion or by swelling emotion, it fills its proper place, punctuates stillness and noise, soars above towering trees.

Tossed aloft on the wings of a breath, a word fights with the air like a fledgling, its purpose yet uncertain.
Some to savor, sever.

words wash from the loquacious, drop like mics from the mouths of grumpy cavemen.  Yawp!

verse thrills and spills forth, a broken dam of liberated words upon a parchment gorge.

Let's flood some plains.

In defense of "basic"

They suggest the unoriginal,
Unsurprising and tamed.
Branded as un-serious with
Tacit femininity claimed.

They merely like because
And fail to pique the rest.
The music of the crowd coos:
"One mode does it best."

For reasons quite obscure
We ally with consumption.
But make the choice to
Condemn particular gumption.

Implicit in this jest lies
Androgenic confidence.
Is personal value bound by
Cheap cosmetic competence?

Go ahead, quip "basic,"
You're entirely quotidian.
Try harder to be clever,
Your wit exposed is pridian.

We sip homogeneity,
And find the other queer.
Though first judged sardonically,
We gasp and realize: seer.

Succinct

This is to say concisely: I love spring.

Dirty brown grass promises to green.

The sun is making eyes at me, having dispelled winter's clouds.

Finally it's warm--enough to walk (hand in hand) outside.

Because my goal is brevity, I stop.

Guys night

We're not much for glory days;
The wives are out of town.
Both genuine and banal
We converse, belie, and banter.

Don't look for names in lights
Or record holding swagger:
Old deeds preserved in wax
Share absently, carelessly.

Who tells the men to bleat
On sundry scores and work?

The chants we utter roar

Full of beauty, romp and vigor.

Some long for greatness, silence;

Their enemy made timeless.

My only wish is this:

Unfeigned mutual dependence.

In a thousand hoary homes
You'll not discover greatness.
Dutiful, unrefined we sit
Our story told and ageless.

Seek to improve upon our chatter
And find your aspirations dashed.
The sum of a life: fickle puzzles,
Prosaic and plastered over.

13^2

Numbers are fun.  They're like a huge puzzle that spans infinity.  Numbers are the real deal, and they're complex too (the jokes, the awful jokes).

This post is the 169th that I've published on the blog.  Because I'm a student of arithmetic, it means I know this is 13*13 posts.  And that is beautiful.  It might not mean anything, but that doesn't really matter.  The tiny puzzle that is identifying a number which can be factored as a square is delightful.

Here is another example of a lovely number puzzle that happened "recently."  May 12, 2013 was a day unlike most.  It can be written 5/12/13.  Maybe you're starting to catch on.
IT'S A PYTHAGOREAN TRIPLE!
That means that:

5*5 + 12*12 = 13*13

Alternately,

25 + 144 = 169 

...which is even cooler because this is my 169th post (no coincidence, I've been waiting for this moment).

It's also important to note that this year will have an epic PI day, though this is unrelated to days that are interesting arithmetically.  March 14, 2015 9:26.5359AM will be 3.14.15 9:26.5359 which is pretty cool.  These days just kind of exist, which doesn't constitute a tiny puzzle so much as a point in time (e.g. 11:11).

Be on the lookout for interesting numbered days though, the next Pythagorean Triple is in 2 years: (8, 15, 17).  It's a less obvious one to me, only because my functional knowledge of squares effectively ends at 15^2.

Maybe that means I need to brush up.