Thematically, the coming of the kingdom of heaven, via the bodily resurrection in Wright's language, strongly parallels the inexorable struggle, and building of the "kingdom of black Americans" Coates describes. These kingdoms are not inevitable--they are built through struggle and the specific efforts and labors of people, fighting against the powers which abuse the purposes of God, and abuse black bodies. The world is not getting better in an evolutionary way or regressing into some apocalyptic rubble (or is it?).
Ta-Nehisi Coates is an atheist. He might appreciate the parallels literarily but likely would not be compelled by the concept of the kingdom of God. In the passage below he calls to resist "the comforting narrative of divine law" that implies "irrepressible justice"...and so does Wright. At least when it comes to our bringing the kingdom of God to earth.
Two quotes from Wright followed by one from Coates:
The point of the resurrection…is that the present bodily life is not valueless just because it will die…What you do with your body in the present matters because God has a great future in store for it…What you do in the present—by painting, preaching, singing, sewing, praying, teaching, building hospitals, digging wells, campaigning for justice, writing poems, caring for the needy, loving your neighbor as yourself—will last into God's future. These activities are not simply ways of making the present life a little less beastly, a little more bearable, until the day when we leave it behind altogether (as the hymn so mistakenly puts it…). They are part of what we may call building for God's kingdom.
What you do in the Lord is not in vain. You are not oiling the wheels of a machine that's about to roll over a cliff. You are not restoring a great painting that's shortly going to be thrown on the fire. You are not planting rosed in a garden that's about to be dug up for a building site. You are -- strange though it may seem, almost as hard to believe as the resurrection itself -- accomplishing something that will become in due course part of God's new world. Every act of love, gratitude, and kindness; every work of art or music inspired by the love of God and delight in the beauty of his creation; every minute spent teaching a severely handicapped child to read or to walk; every act of care and nurture, of comfort and support, for one’s fellow human beings and for that matter one’s fellow nonhuman creatures; and of course every prayer, all Spirit-led teaching, every deed that spreads the gospel, builds up the church, embraces and embodies holiness rather than corruption, and makes the name of Jesus honored in the world—all of this will find its way, through the resurrecting power of God, into the new creation that God will one day make. That is the logic of the mission of God. God’s recreation of his wonderful world, which began with the resurrection of Jesus and continues mysteriously as God’s people live in the risen Christ and in the power of his Spirit, means that what we do in Christ and by the Spirit in the present is not wasted. It will last all the way into God’s new world. In fact, it will be enhanced there.
You must resist the common urge toward the comforting narrative of divine law, toward fairy tales that imply some irrepressible justice. The enslaved were not bricks in your road, and their lives were not chapters in your redemptive history. They were people turned to fuel for the American machine. Enslavement was not destined to end, and it is wrong to claim our present circumstance--no matter how improved--as the redemption for the lives of people who never asked for the posthumous, untouchable glory of dying for their children.
I originally wrote this in FEB2017 after reading both books. Today I found the draft, wrote the second paragraph, and inserted the Wright quotes that I'd been holding as a placeholder.
My dad said something like "you should go to Calvin. I would like it if you went to Calvin, and we will help you."
Calvin College had a chemical engineering program, and at the time I told people that I wanted to study engineering at a Christian college. I told them that. I probably thought it. Probably.
I definitely went to Calvin because it offered chemical engineering, and I probably went because it was a Christian college--I grew up in a Christian community you see.
At this moment [actually a few years ago now], Calvin College is conducting Vision 2029. Vision 2029 is a college-wide program and forum aimed at asking good questions regarding the role and trajectory that Calvin will adopt.
Today I attended the panel discussion: “Will Calvin be a Comprehensive Liberal Arts College or a Liberal Arts University?”
Question that arose were "why Calvin?" and "what makes Calvin distinctive?" and "what are our non-negotiables?" with the required (and hopefully not overlooked) subtext: "what are the preceding for an 18 year old?"
I don't pretend to speak for the rest of 18 year olds in the history of 18 year olds considering Calvin, but for my part, that list contained three items:
1. chemical engineering*
2. attractive (reformed) women**
3. residence in the Christian bubble***
*Ok. Yes. Still very pleased about this one
**"The basis of optimism is sheer terror" --Oscar Wilde
***Not the desire for growth in my faith or a deep connection with Christ--more of a cultural imperative
Fortunately for me, I did attend Calvin despite a less than impressive (and retrospectively embarrassing) rationale.
There are many reasons I count myself fortunate for attending Calvin despite being an idiot 18 year old (many would say still an idiot 28 year old [I wrote this in the fall of 2017 and now return to publish it]). I value:
the paper I wrote (truly, truly) poorly analyzing Biblical themes in the 'Russian Primary Chronicle' for History of the West and the World I,
the physics seminars I attended to earn honors credit, and for which I wrote an insipid description of gravitational lenses in Introductory Physics: Mechanics and Gravity,
the immediate, thoughtful (and truly mind-blowing) criticism of the Bible, and exposure to a diverse body of scholarship and views regarding who Jesus was, as a first-semester freshman taking Biblical Literature and Theology,
attacking (engaging really) secular and Christian philosophy directly, with abandon, and without fear in Fundamental Questions in Philosophy with a man who gave us students dignity and the best example of a Christian intellectual I ever met,
an international internship which had me training, training, and planing about Europe and learning sophisticated industrial organic chemistry development in a foreign language (driving my eventual pursuit of graduate study),
and
a broad, functional knowledge of not just my own discipline of chemical engineering, but the ability to speak and work intelligently and effectively with other engineers and scientists in different fields.
As a senior in high school, I question that any of these would have thrilled me as they do now, even if I could now posit their existence to a past self. I recognize them now, after completing graduate study, and taking up teaching.
I certainly would not have relished the thought that, most importantly, Calvin prepared me well to lose my faith in graduate school. For that I am grateful--putting together the pieces of a shattered mess has given my resurrected faith a life it never had.
Vision 2029 will fail if it only addresses "why Calvin" and "what are our non-negotiables" for parents of prospective students that want them to come here. I believe that everyone will agree with me on that point, but to me it bears crying from the rooftops and not treating as a polite, obvious observation. Calvin was truly transformative for me in the most dramatic way after I left.
However it wasn't transformative in any of the ways I would have wanted it to be, or expected it to be as a prospective student.
We cannot foist perspective onto students, we can only give them the opportunities to earn it themselves--that begins with their introduction to Calvin as high school seniors. I wonder if it will take walking a line between humble self-promotion, and vulnerability rendered salient.
[2020 perspective]
The move to 'university' has been completed. Let's add ", or just calling ourselves a university." to the last sentence.
I just read a flowery and not particularly substantive vision of the university structure written for the internal Calvin community, and all it did was to confirm my bias against an ever expanding corps of college administrators projecting a disconnected vision. The questions posited in the aforementioned panel appear to be foregone conclusions looking back. I still value Calvin and the place it is, but I've been struck lately by a lot of self-congratulation and lip service paid, when simply creating relationships between departments and companies, organizations, etc. doing similar work (as an alternative to saying) pays the real bills to establish community and inclusion and brings value to students.
-[this is the critical, frustrating point that I will never be able to prove, and will honestly, probably always feel uncertain about]
-if I accept that, then the Bible relates that:
--Jesus is the son of God, who came into time and space
--Jesus sacrificed union/love/relationship with the Father on our behalf in a singular way
--we choose to distance ourselves from God in sin
--the penalty for sin is its fulfillment--separation, probably eternal--practically I don't know what that means
--Jesus gives us life freely
--the kingdom of God is greater than my salvation
--the work of the church is to bring the kingdom of God on earth--this happens in sometime conflicting and inconsistent ways (see the Bible)
-the Bible is the story of God's people (in part descriptive, prescriptive, and corrective)--it's God's word, but it is not the Word, nor is it God
--in the Beatitudes Jesus turns power on its head and shows his kingdom priorities
--Parables of the Kingdom tell us how Jesus thought of what was to come:
---the parable of the weeds says that God acknowledges human suffering and strife before his coming Kingdom
---the parable of the sower says that it is difficult to follow Jesus; it is difficult to have faith even; the Gospel of Jesus produces real change in people
---the parable of the hidden treasure describes the way a person gladly gives up his life and possessions, in a way that may be impossible to understand, in order to gain an even more precious way of life
---the parable of the pearl, in a similar way tells of the value of the Kingdom of heaven--worth more than any current power
---the parable of the growing seed reassures those tasked with Kingdom building that their labor is not in vain--a new thing is growing
---the parable of the mustard seed describes the extent and breadth of the pervasive Kingdom
---the parable of the leaven tells of how the Kingdom of God is inevitable after introduction of yeast--surely the resurrection of Jesus
-Jesus is the best thing for everyone because his resurrection is the preview of God's plan for a kingdom made right
-our fellow man deserve love not because they are objects to be converted, but because they are loved by the creator as much as I am
-faith is mysterious and maddening--sometimes I hate it
More than anything else, the election in 2016 has been a mirror, showing me what I naïve fool I've been.
I'm going to preface what I say next with three important statements...
I think it is possible to have voted for Donald Trump as a Christian.
I think it is possible to have voted for Hillary Clinton as a Christian.
I think it is possible to have voted for a third party candidate as a Christian.
My naïveté comes from expecting that the white, Christian, evangelical church* would live beyond politics--that is, biblically contextualize them within the Christian life [*note: the CRC is evangelical, a member of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE)].
I was a fool to think that the Church would be honest with its poorness of spirit and need for the gospel. I was a fool to think Christians would embrace the way Jesus turned human politics on its head. Evangelicals have demanded a modern Saul as their king [1 Samuel 8]. Saul is who they have received.
In past elections the "religious right" have voted for Mitt Romney due to their embrace of family values (likely because they were uncomfortable with the idea of a Mormon in the White House--considered by the CRC to be a cult). Family values means: opposed to rights for LGBTQ citizens and an anti-abortion stance.
Overwhelming support of Donald Trump by evangelicals (81%) is the most recent symptom. It is remarkable, that for so many "liking neither candidate" (a common refrain), they came out in record numbers for a Social Darwinist candidate. This is greater than support for Bush, McCain, or Romney--typical Christian-backed candidates.
I can't take the "liking neither candidate" statement seriously, because the truth is Christians voted for a man that denigrated minorities, womenagain & again, his fellowGOP hopefuls, the disabled, and military heroes.
Many had no problem calling a professed Methodist evil.
They might have honestly believed that, but I think the real reason is that faith in conservatism and liberalism shone through. Evangelical Christians trusted their parties and political ideology more than they did their Jesus and his message.
Many high-profile Christians did.
Some went as far as Wayne Grudem: "now that Trump has won the GOP nomination, I think voting for Trump is a morally good choice." Pat Robertson dismissed Trump's comments about grabbing women as "macho talk". Jerry Falwell Jr.endorsed Trump and said “Five years from now when we’re sitting here and we see all the
Constitution being ripped apart by justices (appointed by Clinton),
nobody is going to remember what horrible things Donald Trump said over a
decade ago,” and in the same convocation, Ralph Reed pointed to abortion as the “defining moral issue of our time,” saying
Trump is “running on the most pro-life platform in the history of the
Republican Party.” Franklin Graham has made comments that "the godless progressive agenda of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton
likewise cannot be defended. I am not endorsing any candidates in this
election" then goes on to say that the future Supreme Court appointees are the most important issue of the election. James Dobson is a one issue voter: anti-abortion.
A prominent theologian, Miroslav Volf, did come out for Clinton (with reservations): "The best case to be made for Hillary Clinton is that on balance she better represents the convictions and character that should concern Christian citizens. No candidate is perfect."
Christianity Today polled a very curious number, which seems to explain the shift we saw: evangelicals shedding their concern with moral authority and Christian witness.
Q: Can elected officials behave ethically and
fulfill their public duties even if they have committed immoral acts in
their personal life?
30% of self-identified white evangelicals said yes in 2011
72% said yes in 2016
To move from 30% to 72% in four years is a remarkable pivot--a pivot that essentially supports conservatism, and an anti-abortion stance as the most important issue facing the world and the church.
Choosing to stake that claim on a candidate like Trump with a precarious position on abortion baffles me.
I understand that many Christians (and Americans in general) feel they weren't being listened to--the Democratic Party did an abysmal job of this: they catered to centrist, elitist, imperialist positions.
1) the Sanders campaign was shoved aside in favor of what party leadership wanted
2) the perspective of middle America (and perhaps evangelical America) was ignored: factory jobs lost due to globalization, facing stagnant wages
Clearly there was a gross failing in the Democratic party to reflect and represent its constituency (I wrote about my distaste for Clinton's position previously). It remains to be seen if the party will recover.
However...the fact that evangelicals are defending Donald Trump, or even happily joining the "Trump Train" still beguiles me. Christians are certainly meant to engage with politics, as citizens building God's kingdom now, but what that looks like allied with Trump is unclear.
As he fills cabinet positions, being praised by the alt-Right (literal neo-Nazis), I don't hear concern from conservative Christians. I don't hear anything at all [note: as of 2:30pm 22Nov16, Trump has disavowed "the alt-Right"].
What I have seen are Christians who I once thought respected me, label non-conservative Christians as "sad" people, and others claim victory for the church with a Trump win.
It's one thing to support a candidate--another entirely to be honest with who they are and the extent to which they deserve support and criticism.
I can't speak for anyone else, but for my own part I want the world to easily identify me as a Christian & kingdom builder, and wonder briefly about my politics. I don't intend to be a modern Sadducee.
I'll leave you with this out-shot to think about, from a post written four years ago in response to the Obama-Romney race:
Pastors will have to ensure congregations know right doctrine—a
desperate need for this generation of Christians in any case. Individual
Christian voters will need to distinguish, perhaps publicly, between
their vote for the politician and their fierce disagreement with that
politician's beliefs.
// Stephen Mansfield
Black fathers, mothers, daughters, and sons are being murdered.
The state is essentially sanctioning these lynchings, and you aren't saying much of anything.
What many of you ARE saying is that "all lives matter," or looking for justification for the murders.
The rest of you aren't saying anything at all. You're posting about the fourth of July, or about emails that should have been more secured. Maybe you don't like to "get political."
It's fine to not get political if you're white, because you can afford to. This political cycle won't change much for you. You'll complain about Trump or Clinton for a few years.
Everything is political for black people; they have no choice, because they are dying at the hands of the state. They are dying for no reason, in most cases innocent. In the case of allegations, they are being executed instead of receiving trial.
I'm not choosing to write this because I'm a conservative or a liberal.
I'm writing this because people are dying and few of my white friends
are saying anything at all. My black friends are saying plenty, but I'm not convinced you're listening.
All lives won't matter until black lives matter, so save that s*** for another day. I chose to use that crass word, because it speaks to the nature of the "all lives matter" statement.
ALM is willful ignorance and white silencing of the devastation and horror that black families feel when their fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters are killed at the hands of those supposed to be protecting them. No one disputes that life matters. It's in our Declaration of Independence. We get it. It's supposed to matter.
I'm not blaming you or myself for hating black people, because most of you DON'T.
I'm not blaming you for anything.
But if you stay silent now, or the next time, or refuse to LISTEN and LEARN and EDUCATE yourselves, you are becoming complicit. Your silence is deafening. And that is worthy of blame.
I like functions, so after some thinking during Bible study a couple weeks ago, I came up with the above plot in Mathematica.
The Pharisees (a case study for humanity?) have years of Jewish history and culture framing their interpretation of what God, through the Law, called them to.
Jesus came and said, your initial conditions are right, but the human function caused a deviation from what God says the law means. He said that he was fulfilling the Law--pointing us again to closer communion with God.
We've had 2000 years from another set of conditions.
Maybe the church set a nice linear function for how we think about God, from the Law to Jesus, but we only ever had two points (arguably the Torah and Jesus' life--special revelation--though I don't mean to minimize general revelation, which I tend to celebrate as a scientist).
Sometime it feels like we're/(I'm) the Pharisees approximating God's higher order polynomial (or periodic, transcendental functions) with linear thinking and living. I usually find it's best to give up control over where we think God's Will is headed (because invariably I'm wrong or pigheaded), and recognize that Jesus told us to surrender our will.
I was reading Jesus' words in Matthew 19 about divorce and marriage for Bible study this week.
The disciples essentially ask, 'if divorce is not permissible, is it better not to marry at all?'
Jesus then makes a very wise point about approaching the marriage relationship. At first I thought he was making a value judgment, saying that if you can accept not marrying then you should--it's better to serve the kingdom than to marry.
However, I don't think this is the case. In verses 11 and 12, Jesus is saying that each person should be honest with themselves and discern if they are committed to marry or not, and if not, then make the decision to accept that.
This fits with the be fruitful and increase in number command from Genesis, but leaves a wide space for single people working for the kingdom. In a patriarchal society then, and now, this is counter-cultural. It liberates women (and men) from living within the framework of having value only when attached to a man (or woman).
It also puts the onus on Christians to consider carefully if they are committed to marriage.
Among believers this should be convicting--divorce rates are as high among Christians as non-Christians. Perhaps we do not properly consider the commitment as Jesus stated it. Perhaps we have been swayed by a cultural expectation and by patriarchy.
As a single person, I have no experience from the side of marriage--just my dating history. However, I can still see from this side that Jesus is emphasizing commitment in the marriage relationship. I have felt the pain of a breakup for just this reason.
Countless examples of family's and friends' marriages show that love in marriage is not easy. This truly underscores how critically important it is to understand that sort of love and what you are deciding to do when entering into marriage. The 'in sickness and health', 'hard times and easy times' phrases may be the most important in the vows that are commonly used.
Growing up, I was fortunate to spend a lot of time with Grandma. She was THE baby sitter.
I remember the beautiful old brown toy box in the den with green carpet and all the photo albums. We used to go to her house for Sunday dinners with the whole family when I was little--playing with plastic balls and bats in her yard after lunch. I remember the constant supply of lemon drops in her refrigerator, for you see, Grandma had a sweet tooth.
Since we lived close, Jeff and I spent a lot of time in her yard making exorbitant sums mowing her lawn, picking up sticks and caring for her well-tended flower garden when she couldn't do it herself anymore--$5 was generous!
Grandma raised a family and lived in that house with green canopies and shutters for as long as the block has been there. She was a fixture, and could hardly bear to leave when it became clear that she needed more care--that was her stubbornness.
When I think about who Grandma is as a person though, I don't think about the delicious butterscotch pies she made, or the tomatoes she would eat with sugar, or the myriad gifts she loved to provide her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, or even the way she talked about Grandpa. What comes to mind is how Grandma prayed for and remembered and wrote her family all the time. Even last week, she asked with concern, if I had gotten the card she sent me for my birthday. I don't doubt that we were constantly on her mind.
There was also the way she worried, which I inherited from her in spades. Worry for family. Worry for our well-being, happiness and health. Worry and thought were some of the ways she knew to show love. I know from her eagerness to sit with us and hear about what was new in our lives that each of us had a place in her heart.
I think of that quiet consistency as one of her most salient qualities.
I'm not sure how heaven works. I don't know what she thinks about or how her memory works now--but I'm sure that now her love is free of worry and that it's full for us.
I took some time to list (with videos and lyrics) the songs I used for devotions on Thursday before class this fall. For most of them I talked about what they mean to me as a Christian, and why I think they're important themes for Christians to engage with. Sometimes I asked questions and got answers, sometimes I asked questions and got silence--both were great responses.
Him--Lily Allen
I asked students what they thought the song meant. Who is it written to? A lover, God, Christians, non-Christians? Do you think that God has a different morality than humans? Do you find the personification of God in the song to be interesting, horrifiying, enlightening?
I don't have answers, but I think the song raises some great, provocative and interesting questions about human meaning and context.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
Ghetto Gospel--2Pac
Why don't we sing songs like this in church? How does this compare to a worship song you would sing in church? How does the 'ghetto gospel' compare to the 'New Testament gospel'?
[Youtube, Lyrics]
Jesus Walks--Kanye West
I love the visual themes in this music video. The first one was produced and funded by a record label, but Kanye wasn't happy with it, so he funded this one himself.
It's pretty remarkable how well this song did on the popular charts. Do you think a song like this could do well today? Why, why not?
I don't completely agree with Kanye's theology in terms of grace and redemption lyrically, but visually it is a stunning piece.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For--U2
It's essentially a song of lament. A type of psalm perhaps--a song of longing. This is basically the reality of life for most of us. Christians to an extent have found what we're looking for, but cannot experience God outside of our frail human senses.
I love the biblical imagery in the song: speaking with the tongue of angels, holding the devil's warm hand, kingdom come, broken bonds, loosed chains, cross of shame.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
Life & Love & Why--Switchfoot
L&L&W is from one of Switchfoot's earlier albums--it was one of my favorites (the Legend of Chin was often on repeat in my room while I read).
It seems very like Ecclesiastes to me at first blush--meaning of life stuff.
My simple answer to these questions is this: the sacrifice of Christ is utterly compelling--it is singular in selflessness and purpose.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
I Don't Know--Dredg
An agnostic's prayer of sorts. I've written about it here already.
The "moments of awakening" and blanket of "the warmth of ignorance" illustrate our human struggle to interact with the divine.
Someone on a message board (Qohelet) had a delightful perspective:
although the "it" may mean more than one thing. It is interesting that
we communicate as if a possible-god is obligated to guarantee us
anything, as if such a being is on trial by us instead of vice versa.
Speaking agnostically, if there really was some ultimate, all-knowing
being able to guarantee us longevity, a special place, etc., would it be
more realistic to suppose that he must prove himself to us or that we
must prove ourselves to him? If the latter, then we may well be in a
state without all the answers so that this possible-god can assess what
we are really interested in finding out / becoming.
Shall Never Lose Its Power--La Dispute
From the perspective of a person/people who lost their faith and became cynical about it.
Imagery like the lion can be very comforting or horrifying depending on what perspective you have (the last lines: feeling belonging is great when you're on the inside, but the separation can be painful--tangled intruders).
My friend Mike's story: when shunned by Christians and family for being an atheist.
Clearly there's a lot of pain in this song, due to the departure:
hands tied to the tracks and left
brick to the back of your head
whining turns to wonder turns to ice
...Christianity feels like a fence.
This is why it's so important to talk about issues of doubt and the grey areas--we can hurt people on purpose or not, if we don't listen--that goes for any experience. People and their doubts deserve to be heard--everyone has a story and legitimate beliefs, even if we don't agree and even if we think that Jesus is the best thing for everyone. We don't get to decide for people.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
Polarize--21 Pilots (suggested by a student)
Instinctively I think, we gravitate toward binary separations--it is generally easier to say a thing is "not" than to describe exactly where it belongs in a taxonomy.
Naturally we observe light and dark, cold and warm, often using these forms to describe our relation to the divine. In this song, Tyler illustrates this pattern in his desire to polarize his life--the mistakes and successes.
But it's not enough to put our actions in bins and weigh them against each other. He doesn't expressly give this as his purpose, other than to be an adversary to the evil he has done (make up in some way).
His redemption begins at 'Domingo en Fuego...' It's the shift that recognizes that binary categorization and work are not in fact redemptive--the redemption arises when "You'll have to come and find me."
As a whole it's an allegory for the Christian life in its realization of grace.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
To Be Alone With You--Sufjan Stevens
I think of this song as the answer to L&L&W by Switchfoot. It's the answer to why I'm a Christian.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
Some Nights--Fun.
Most nights I don't know any more...
I can relate to this. It takes you a while to figure this out.
We find this best during periods of struggle. I found out part of it in college and much more afterwards.
Find the people that help you find who you are--people will want to tell you who you are, but that's for you to decide. You have to make sense internally as a person.
Pursue harebrained ideas and do the hard things, because you can be used in crazy ways.
My own experience in academia was painful, it doesn't have to be, but it was and it lead me to be able to teach you guys, which taught me that I like teaching!
[Youtube, Lyrics]
You Can't Always Get What You Want--the Rolling Stones
Kind of a cliche, but it applies to life and pays homage to God's plan as a similar theme.
There have been a number of things that I thought I wanted: PhD, job in pharmaceutical development managing a lab, etc. but...
what I have now is the opportunity to have an evolving balance in my life, teach, write/play music, lead Young Life, coach Science Olympiad, and have a full time job with the flexibility to be there for friends. It's what I needed, not what I wanted.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
My God--Jethro Tull
In light of shootings, mayhem, terror, racism and sin (lecture days after San Bernardino shooting)...
No matter which side you are on: liberal/conservative, protestant/catholic, etc.-->
God cannot be used nor will he be bent to your justifications--that is no god; that is your desire and blindness of will.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
Clockwork--Blackalicious
MC Gift of Gab and DJ Chief Xcel are obviously at the top/peak of their craft--this track is pristine.
As engineers you'll leave this class and continue to do the same calculations that every other engineer does--how do you do engineering differently than anyone else, secular or Christian? That is something that no one can tell you. You need to figure it out for you.
Values/intention/bridge to the non-technical/how you view it/worship God through your work are a few examples, but it will be different for everyone.
[Youtube, Lyrics]
I remember his firm grasp and smile when he greeted his grandsons--he shook our hands like we were men, even when we were yet boys; I remember him insisting on grizzled face kisses from his granddaughters.
I remember Grandpa for his sounds before and during sleeping, during and after eating, and for the Homeric voicemails he left. Grandpa's style of communication, verbal or otherwise, was unique and unfiltered, much to the consternation or delight of our family.
I learned from Grandpa too--I learned what pickle juice tastes like, and that I don't completely dislike it. I learned the value of saving, and by contrast how important it is to be judicious.
Grandpa lived his life confident in many things. His confidence wasn't arrogant--it displayed the logic and belief in his mind about everything from politics to faith and love. Grandpa's surety could be affirming or it could be maddening, but it was sincere and it came from the same place--even if you didn't agree with him, you could be sure he was being straight with you.
As his grandson, I was always sure that he loved me. He loved doing things with us--making things out of wood, going fishing off docks and in a boat that barely deserves the name. Say what you want about that boat, but it wasn't wasted, and we were never in want of one to use--Grandpa made do with what he had.
There was never a lack of material that couldn't be made up for in work or scrounging. The fruits of that labor stand tall, melodically and well oiled in the homes of his children. Grandpa loved us best through his labors. He knew best how to communicate his love for his family in the works of his hands and his deeds. Grandpa passed that on to his son and daughters and to his grandchildren--his and Grandma's legacy is in our giving and thoughtful hearts. In a family that loves spending time together and doing things with and for each other.
Grandpa and Grandma did it together.
It was the best thing he could do--it's the best thing any of us can do.
I wrote about Grandpa before, here.
And he describes his clocks here:
I don't know about you, but I'm never quite sure what to pray while the bread & wine is being passed out during the Eucharist.
Usually it's a time of confession for me--giving myself and my weakness up--sometimes filled with guilt, and sometimes sweet release.
There's probably no 'right' or 'wrong' prayer in this time. The mood is generally of repentance and confession, but sometimes it's easy to think of other parts of our relationship with God.
One of the most common things I think about with God during that time is about our place in relation to him: our place in the cosmos, in his plan, in the lives of those around us; in a word, cosmology. Or...spirituality.
If I were playing life safely I would have no business thinking on the semester timeline.
But I'm not. I don't believe that to be a satisfactory or responsible way of life.
I've mentioned this to some friends before, but I want my tombstone to read:
"He did as many of the hard things as he could."
That doesn't mean I succeeded at the hard things--haha, no definitely not! Lordy, no!
It means that until you/I try to do the things you/I think are too difficult for God to work through with you/me, we won't do the things. The things are waiting for you. All of them. Every last one of them.
I thought that the things were chemical engineering and graduate school. And then I left graduate school with a measly M.S. The PhD has eluded me.
Certainly that stung. But percolating in the back of my mind had always been Young Life. Ever since I left high school I had wanted to be a leader. In college I immersed myself in my studies (same for graduate school).
Now that I had a normal job that didn't dominate 95% of my time, I decided to jump back into it. Not the hardest thing--certainly not an easy thing--but something definitely worth doing (my own life was changed in HS due to the love of my leaders).
Sounds like I was game to follow God reasonably and do what some goody twentysomething might do with their time. How gosh golly prosaically nice of me.
BUT WAIT!
God had other things in mind.
I'm not one for putting words in God's mouth. But right now, it looks like God might want me to teach engineering to college students at a Christian college.
Two years ago, the two previous sentences would have caused me to give a wry smile then burst into laughter. Here's what I would have said:
"I'm earning my PhD to manage a lab in pharmaceutical development! I might teach at the end of my career.
And I don't even know if I'm a Christian, or what that should even mean."
I'm not going to lie--these are some of the hardest things I've ever done (if not in technical skill but at very least in combination). But I'm not drained nor do I feel like I'm dying inside (like much of grad school).
The work is hard. The work is good. God has way crazier and bigger plans for you than you might expect--that's what's so cool.
Maybe you'll find yourself leaving the continent, fostering a 5 year old in your twenties, teaching college or working quietly in the lives of those in your community faithfully.
God wants to use the life you're living now--that's what you've got. That's all we're given.
The enormity and completeness of our fragility is truly terrible to conceive of. In only a moment, the unknown knocks at our door and envelopes a loved one. We have hopes and faith in what comes for them and us, but none of us ever truly know what lies there. Death is terrible because we have no basis to judge it by--we only know they have been removed from us.
Life and consciousness--so complexly engendered--we take perversely for granted.
In moments following the loss of young lives, we reflect with questions of 'why,' that have no conceivable answers.
As a Christian, my hope is in not in the temporal--however, it is my only experience. I struggle on days like today when young people are lost to us. My hope in eternity is not unshakeable. If I'm honest, how can it be? To be sure I trust, to a feeble extent, this timeline will not be our only experience, but faith is not confirmation. I both envy and don't understand those who are sure; I despise and decry their surety. Our belief does not make things so, and our faculties tend to belie supernatural claims. Inherent in this knife-edge is the conception of our own humanity--how cynical or trusting are you?
Today I'm cynical, making grief hard. Moments of peace may flit about my thoughts--they draw my mind out of despair and remind me: we can hold steadfastly to promises though we aren't able or prepared to evaluate them. I want nothing more than to evaluate their merit, but: I choose this life because a man named Jesus once laid every ounce of his humanity and divinity on the very same line that we cross--because he stared fragility in the face, and eschewed beautiful promises which give us peace.
In that moment Jesus said, "I know." That's enough for me.
That alone is able to give me a semblance of peace and comfort on a day like today--to allow myself to pray sincerely that God's will be done. I rarely think of the Heidelberg Catechism in moments like this, but this is the benefit we have knowing that God created and upholds all things:
"for all creatures are so completely in his hand
that without his will
they cannot so much as move."
=====
for David Talsma and Chase Froese, Sandra Bland and Eric Garner and Walter Scott; for those grieving and those unsure how to.
for all creatures are so completely in his hand
that without his will
they cannot so much as move
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/10.html#sthash.F4EnAA0n.dpuf
for all creatures are so completely in his hand
that without his will
they cannot so much as move
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/10.html#sthash.F4EnAA0n.dpuf
for all creatures are so completely in his hand
that without his will
they cannot so much as move
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/10.html#sthash.F4EnAA0n.dpuf
for all creatures are so completely in his hand
that without his will
they cannot so much as move
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/10.html#sthash.F4EnAA0n.dpuf
for all creatures are so completely in his hand
that without his will
they cannot so much as move
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/10.html#sthash.F4EnAA0n.dpuf
We all change in many ways throughout our lives--many changes are borne about slowly through time and we never notice them. The laugh lines deepen in our faces, our skin becomes weathered (or chemically altered...oops!). Some changes happen in an instant and our very outlook on life is shattered at a new revelation.
In more ways than I could have imagined, I am a radically different person from who I was only four years ago.
In junior year of college (2010) my roommate at the time, Mark, asked me very sincerely on the way to Founders one Monday night:
"Are you happy Steve?"
At the time, my answer had been something along the lines of:
"Yes, mostly. Sometimes I wish I didn't spend so much time studying. Sometimes I wish I had gone out and done more stupid stuff, but I don't regret the choices I've made."
I've since gone back to that question periodically and re-evaluated my life.
My answer during the last three years has been:
"Um. Yes?"
"Hmmmmm..."
"No. Kinda yes? In many ways yes...but permeated with suffocating dread."
There came a point at which my ability to put up with circumstances, people and being healthy emotionally hit a wall. My self-confidence had been gradually eroded away and crushed months before this point.
The only things really holding me together were my family (as best they could from 500 miles away), my friends (who I would have crumbled to pieces without) and whatever tattered and paltry faith in God I was unsure I wanted to cling to.
When that moment came, I made a decision. Many people make this same decision, for many and more reasons: to leave graduate school. In a way I was lucky--I left with a well respected degree in a field I love from a great school. I struggled with the initial perceived failure of what that choice meant for months. I don't regret it any more, though I did at first.
August of 2014 began my struggle to pick up the pieces of what I thought my life would become. It was when I began to try and find meaning in who I was, what I wanted, and who I would become.
Looking back over the last 11 months, I evaluate again that inexorable question:
"Are you happy Steve?"
This time, my answer is longer, more nuanced, and accompanied by an Oxford comma.
Now I can say that I am happy.
I can say that I'm not looking helpless and confused at the floor and the pieces scattered there.
The person in the mirror has deeper laugh lines, and lines from anxiety (the stress tic has been gone for over 6 months!), but there is a new kind of confidence there--not naive and stupidly brave, but rebuilt and with experience.
I have many people to thank for this change; many to thank for happy, confident, peace:
Close friends, new and old.
They challenge me, they love me, they hear me and they know me.
We talk together, eat together, we drink together (way too much!).
We grieve many things together--death of the very old and the impossibly young, infidelity, and shattered friendships--and we come through to the other side.
Supervisors that see the good and better in me--that let me figure out how to be more excellent.
They give me crazy opportunities I would have never imagined.
They trust me to take on projects seemingly too big for me too soon, that were just right.
Mentors that remind me of my strengths and encourage me in my weaknesses.
With that, today I can say I'm the person I want to be--satisfied with who I am--looking to do the next hardest thing I can find, and simultaneously terrified at the prospect!
I'm not anxiously looking for anyone to 'complete' me (even though people love to ask if I'm seeing anyone, haha!), because they'll be pretty obvious to me when I see them.
My emotions are healthier.
My people are beautiful--they are the friends that I have always wished for.
My family is finally close to me.
My faith is a work in progress, different, shrunk and grown, expanded and with punctures and scars--but I still have it.
When we preach on evangelism, emphasizing the struggle Christians may go through often does a disservice because many people outside of the church have a hunger and a desire to talk about spiritual things. Even if they are sometimes cutting, they want to talk (in my experience)--and those are the ones we need to talk with in particular (not to or at: it's dialogue). Christians in America don't need to be told about more things they need to fear, we get that enough from politics.
Some notes from my pastor this Sunday:
1) It's not us, it's Jesus.
2) It's in his name alone.
3) Healing courage and faith are all from the Spirit.
Right now I plan to have 6 tracks. I kind of fell in love with playing my baritone ukulele this spring (sorry my beautiful little tenor, but you cannot compete), so I wanted to record some stuff with it.
The songs have all been pretty important to me at some point in my life; they are a mix of five secular songs and a religious one.
Track list:
1. Schwarz zu Blau (Peter Fox)
2. I Walked (Sufjan Stevens)
3. Hallelujah (Jeff Buckley cover of Leonard Cohen)*
4. Free Fallin' (Tom Petty)
5. Mighty to Save (Hillsong United)
6. Black Sun (Death Cab for Cutie)
*Note: skip listening to mine and just listen to theirs over and over...
The album should be done this summer. If you want to give me feedback let me know and I'll share a couple as they are.
I'm working on some original stuff too, but there's still a lot of progress to be made on that end.
15:22Thenthe apostlesandelders, withthe wholechurch, decided 67 to sendmenchosenfrom amongthem, JudascalledBarsabbasandSilas, 68 leadersamongthe brothers, toAntioch 69 withPaulandBarnabas.15:23They sentthis letter withthem: 70
From the apostles 71 andelders, your brothers, 72 to the Gentilebrothersand sisters 73 inAntioch, 74 Syria, 75 andCilicia, greetings!15:24Sincewe have heardthatsomehave gone out from amonguswith noordersfrom us and have confused 76 you, upsetting 77 yourminds 78 by what they said, 79 15:25wehaveunanimously 80 decided 81 to choosemento sendtoyoualongwith ourdearfriends BarnabasandPaul,15:26who 82 have riskedtheirlives 83 forthe nameof ourLordJesusChrist. 84 15:27Thereforewe are sending 85 JudasandSilas 86 who will tellyou these thingsthemselvesinperson. 87 15:28Forit seemed bestto the HolySpiritandto us 88 notto placeany greaterburdenon youthanthesenecessary rules: 89 15:29that you abstainfrom meat that has been sacrificed to idols 90 andfrom bloodandfrom what has been strangled 91 andfrom sexual immorality. 92 If you keepyourselvesfrom doingthese things, 93 you will do well. Farewell. 94
What a curious thing to say. It seemed best to the Holy Spirit and to us. How remarkable that the author (traditionally, Luke), would say it in such a way. Remarkable and enigmatic. It is Scripture after all.
I would love to know how they knew that it seemed best to the Holy Spirit. In a similar vein I would love to know what Jesus was writing with his finger in the dirt (see note 10).
I would have written it this way today:
"For it seemed best to us, after we prayed over it and discussed it amongst ourselves not to place..."
How fortunate we are that I was not entrusted to write Scripture.
====
NET note: 88tn This is the same expression translated “decided” in Acts 15:22, 25. BDAG 255 s.v. δοκέω 2.b.β lists “decide” as a possible gloss for this verse, and this translation would be consistent with the translation of the same expression in Acts 15:22, 25.
However, the unusually awkward “the Holy Spirit and we have decided”
would result. Given this approach, it would be more natural in English
to say “We and the Holy Spirit have decided,” but changing the order
removes the emphasis the Greek text gives to the Holy Spirit. Thus,
although the similarity to the phrases in 15:22, 25 is obscured, it is better to use the alternate translation “it seems best to me” (also given by BDAG): “it seemed best to the Holy Spirit and to us.” Again the scope of agreement is highlighted.
I love everything about the above graphic except the last two sentences. That is Scientism. And curiously, it is espoused by many who would call themselves atheists. The two are not in disagreement necessarily, but interestingly it is mostly non-scientists who believe in Scientism--likely because of a lack of understanding of science and reductionism. That critique aside...
This post is an attempt to help Christians explore what it means to be an atheist (from four of my friends), and also, what it might look like to be an agnostic Christian (me, briefly).
This hopefully goes without saying, but I am not an atheist. I lean toward agnostic Christianity, with respect to existence sometimes, but with more of a Kierkegaardian position:
"If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe."
Edit: After further consideration, I think this position describes the nature of belief--not the nature of what is believed in (I am not a scholar of Kierkegaard, and thus very capable of misunderstanding his meaning in a first readthrough). Why is belief necessary? Because I am not capable of grasping God objectively. What is belief then, how does the Christian/Kierkegaard regard subjectivity?
See Jamie Turnbull (Kierkegaard's Influence on Philosophy: German and Scandinavian Philosophy, pgs 156-157):
--I love Jesus and I think he is the best thing for everyone. Wikipedia actually puts it really well:
Christian Agnostics practice a distinct form of agnosticism that applies only to the properties of God. They hold that it is difficult or impossible to be sure of anything beyond the basic tenets of the Christian faith. They believe that God exists, that Jesus has a special relationship with him and is in some way divine, and that God should be worshiped.
This deviates somewhat widely from the Calvinism I grew up with. In any case, I do know atheists and find that their view is often misrepresented, as the graphic above in part illustrates.
Atheism can be a vague concept for people around west Michigan to engage with--in the church, not many people know or have friends that are atheists, in my experience. I have the pleasure of knowing several atheists/agnostics/etc from my time at Penn State as well as from west Michigan--they are dear friends of mine. We're not afraid of talking about spiritual things together either. In this post I've compiled a few perspectives from friends that I highly respect and admire.
It turns out to be a difficult question to answer--who has context for the divine?
(I'm not looking at you human.) D. C. 4/7/15:
I have a hard time trusting claims about God. All the knowledge I have currently acquired indicates that such claims are just that, claims. A claim in itself that requires belief without proof is potentially dangerous. For you see, a claim is inherently a true or false statement. The claim is either true, or it is false. As far as I am aware, wishing alone will not turn a true statement false or a false statement true. (I could be wrong though, maybe enough people wishing God to exist could cause God to exist. If that is true, could we then collectively wish hard enough or other things? Technically I don’t know the answer to this, but I am more apt to think that wishing does not affect existence or truth.) Therefore God or gods or some other god could exist, but for me to believe I would need a reasonable amount of evidence.
What is reasonable amount of evidence? My best answer, and possibly my annoying answer at this point, is “I don’t know.” If God exists, and God is omnipotent, omniscient, etc…. then God would know what would be a reasonable amount of evidence, strictly by the definition of God.
Ash H. followup question: How would I feel if I knew definitively there was a god or God?
I don’t think it would matter how I felt about it, if God were there. There would be nothing I could do to change the fact if it was true. It would just be like another piece of information I would have about the universe/everything. I would have lots of questions for God…why is it this way? I would have a lot of why questions. If the Judeo-Christian God exists: I might be honestly shocked. There would be a lot of information I would need to sort though and figure out.
A. C. 4/23/15:
It's an interesting thought of what would make me be theistic, either
believe in god(s), or for some higher power in general. Without racking
my brains, the first thought that comes to mind is to use the same
empirical evidence-based inference method I use for any other thing. I
would (or should) believe in god if I observe reproducible evidence
(hopefully scientific) of the same. However, this turns out to be an
oxymoron, as "belief" is the term we associate to things that lack
factual evidence. Therefore, I think the logical thing for me to say is:
"I would know of a theistic universe if I find evidence of the same".
Till that time, I am certain (in scientific terms) that the universe is
not facilitated by a deity.
I find it very
fascinating of how different people are motivated by different things,
and is something worth discussing. It's good that we are thinking and
discussing about it.
L. S. 4/29/15:
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m more than happy to talk about anything in regards to my atheism with you. I personally find the subject matter incredibly important, in addition to being extremely interesting.
So my straightforward answer to your question is “I don’t know”. However, allow me to expound on that a little.
The first problem is that to really answer that, I’d need to have you define which god. For example, some people say that the universe is god, others that love or energy is god, etc… If there is a god, depending on what characteristics you want to give it, I would say that this being should have the power to know what it would take to convince me, even if I don’t. And I think it is possible, though extremely unlikely, that I could be convinced (again), that some god exists.
As I see it, there are two main problems that would need to be overcome before I could believe in any god:
The first is sufficient evidence. You touched a little bit on this when you mentioned faith. I usually ask people to define the word faith for me to understand how they use it because not everyone uses it the same. Personally, I define faith as believing in something without a good reason. What it boils down to is - if you have a good reason then you wouldn’t need faith. So for me, evidence and reason is essential in understanding truth. (Truth being defined as – that which comports to reality). The reason this is so important is that without evidence and reason, a claim of faith in a Christian God bears no more weight than a claim of faith for the Muslim God, Bigfoot, Santa Clause, or the flying Spaghetti monster. I should mention that this only matters if you actually care about if your beliefs are true. So as far as I can tell there simply isn’t sufficient evidence that any god exists. And the evidence that does exist is unreliable at best.
The second problem is that we have no way to confirm causation on a supernatural level. In the physical world, physical objects obey physical laws. When I push a ball with X amount of force it rolls Y distance. However, even if we could confirm a miracle happened (so far 0 confirmed), we couldn’t necessarily attribute it to god. There is no yet discovered way to test for a supernatural intervention and no way to determine who or what caused that intervention and why. M. C. 5/8/15:
If God came down to earth-- in a form humans could perceive-- and started to actually help us, then I would believe.
Wholeheartedly, cause the intuitive part of me does believe.
Agnosticism, in fact, is not a creed, but a method, the essence of which lies in the rigorous application of a single principle ... Positively the principle may be expressed: In matters of the intellect, follow your reason as far as it will take you, without regard to any other consideration. And negatively: In matters of the intellect do not pretend that conclusions are certain which are not demonstrated or demonstrable. // Thomas Henry Huxley
The apostle Thomas is an agnostic from his first response to the news that Jesus had risen:
The other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he replied, “Unless I see the wounds from the nails in his hands, and put my finger into the wounds from the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will never believe it!”
// John 20:25
It's not an uncommon response. In fact, it has been my response at one time (and time again...). Many of the people that I met in graduate school had this mindset, rather unsurprisingly. It is essentially the practice of science. Without evidence, there can be no worthwhile claims.
One of my best friends at PSU called himself an agnostic-atheist. He does not believe there is a god, but perhaps would given enough evidence. In practice, he is an atheist--I find it difficult to conceive of an event or circumstance that would validate his belief in God, though I of course cannot rule it out (nor would I want to). He has a valid view; it's not one that I hold personally for a number of reasons, but it's nevertheless valid.
We can learn a lot from Thomas--for instance, how to respond to unbelief. The disciples didn't convince him...Jesus did, with his appearance. Perhaps this is why we see Christian apologetics fail to "convince" atheists, agnostics, etc.--because we are placing the burden on our reasoning and logic (often from premises that one party DOES NOT ACCEPT!). Letting the Spirit work through us, as Jesus worked in Thomas is a much more fruitful exercise. I pray often that God will work in spite of the words from my asinine lips.
Show me the parts of scripture where the disciples browbeat someone into belief before you go about evangelism that way. Do life following Jesus; do it unapologetically (different meaning of the word, haha!); and do it unafraid to talk about inconsistencies and things you don't yet understand--God will show up.
This is a bit of a quiet rant. And it's a little vulgar, so if you're offended, that's on you, because you read further or listened. Of course if you have some beautiful thoughts to share that fly in my face, please feel free to do so.
Political gospel
I'm sick of all this fucking shit.
I'm tired of living in a country with an uninformed electorate (of which I am a member).
Let's elect leaders, career bigots, hypocrites and panderers, Saints of Latter days that uphold "family values".
Our system of governance is propelled by campaigns that smear instead of advocate.
Polarization and extremism are in vogue, and bipartisanship is worth fuck-all--it means you're weak.
The religious right has conflated gospel and conservatism--if you lean left, you don't love Jesus. Because Jesus said to love those just like us and above all else to preserve our way of life.
Do you remember when we prayed to bless Reagan and the Bushes? Now it's, "fuck the Clintons and Obama." Why should God bless people just like us? Didn't you hear, Obama's a Muslim and hates Christians?
Do you find it hard to believe that we have gay marriage and women pastors? How far have we slid as a nation to bequeath human rights?
Americans aren't God's chosen people--some of God's people are Americans. Now, stop rank-ordering sins and listen:
"Let every person be subject to the governing
authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that
exist have been instituted by God." // Romans 13:1
And just remember:
"...not my will, but yours be done." // Luke 22:42
_Title.jpg)
