Engaging while absorbing: retention and friendship

Sometimes I find myself looking back over an impassible crevasse--toward the 'learning' in my past.

As a child I spent an inordinate amount of time in the universes of myriad books.  My experiences were immersive and complete.  I would feel emotional and attached to the book and characters after it was completed; there was a sense of loss.

In fact, much of my childhood learning was as a sponge.  I wanted to hear everything that could be heard, see everything that could be seen, and contain it within my brain.  But I now realize that learning was for me a drug.  Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot from reading, and as a result have a modest vocabulary--almost a novelty.  The point is, I was messily gulping down information and reading because it entertained me; I drew pleasure from the sheer consumption of it.

The rift I gaze back over separates a kind of rampant engorgement from a more self- and information-awareness.  I have found the necessity and beauty in engaging with information and novels, rather than objectifying them.  As a result my interactions with material are more meaningful and represent a collection of ideas that I am able to reference and use rather than simply remember vaguely (in an emotional sense).

My new awareness stems from my experience in graduate school.  I never really fell in love with 'the literature' because I had spent so much time objectifying it that retention was a Herculean task to me.  Only in the last year have I been able to appreciate a new understanding of 'the literature'.  One of my professors suggested that I think of it as my friend.  The scientific papers and discoveries ought to be a kind of friend to you.  You know all about them, their quirks and idiosyncrasies, and can place their names with faces (plots, charts, graphs, authors, journals, university).

When I look at my bookshelf now, I remember not just stories and characters, but ideas and themes, authors and their cultural contexts.  I am friends with these books.  They come with me and inform my new experiences--I think about them often.