Whoa!

This is probably one of the coolest videos that I've evar seen...what a great idea. Anyone want to do this with me?

Nothing less than angels

Begin quietly with a gum-speckled hardwood floor, breeze catching black curtain lightly while the gods of the evening prepare. Come the early evening, patrons shuffle in excited, verbose, eccentric, emo, spritely, matter-rich, tight, pants...rockers all. The first offering of the evening is well...expected, received thankfully yet everyone is perhaps glad it's over. Brothers astounds, delights, impresses and will have a hard time explaining what the ink used to mean to their grandchildren. Then in the lull...bodies shuffle forward, jockey for position, awaiting, knowing. Green, chains, in the dead march, ready to mosh with the living...and they do in the wars of the future! The speakers flare their nostrils and proclaim the sounds of the most magnificent screaming rock to grace the basement stage...CROWS!! Madness ensues as girls, boys, men and women join in a frenzy that throws off the chains of society to the primal excitement of simply letting oneself become uninhibited. Finally the throng pays homage to the movement of time and change of scene. They are energetic, yet know that their allegiance lies mostly elsewhere. What a bunch of fools we lovers are.

A.H.

Sometimes I find myself languishing in mediocrity and normalcy. These lulls are hardly unique to me, but vary in severity and style from person to person. I have a friend though, who never seems to have this. When I hang out with him, or go to concerts with him, he always seems to be into something new...I love this about him. Not having been to many concerts, I think that I've gone with him to almost half of the concerts I've ever been to. The thing is though, he finds these obscure local bands that just have the tendency to blow my socks off, such as Lights at Sea. He's introduced me to bands such as Porcupine Tree and Dredg. The music they play is just amazing (especially when you're watching a codeine pill spin for the duration of a 17 minute song *cough* Anesthetize *cough*) and I feel alive. Anyway, this post is a shout out to him.

Planning

The mind is beautiful, terrible and confusing. During the course of my day today I planned out circumstances for years ahead of me, which will probably never happen. I think we do this because we revert from normal thought back to our most basic of instincts. I was musing about what will/would/won't happen solely based on my own experiences and desires, not at all taking into account what others might think or do. It can be a very egocentric experience to delve within one's desires...scary sometimes, bittersweet others. We/I/You fight this every day as we live among eachother.

Desperate, Futility

Look down on a swathe so large as to include both poles and no one is seen. Look past the clouds, see the cities; they are behemoths that stretch to consume all green things, built by a species that is conquer-centric. Can you see the breadth of human emotion from such places? Angst, terror, despair, love...love? The inhabitants care only for themselves (this summer, this school year). No one will remember you, no one will care. You have only this time, make of it what you want. There is no time for empathy...only self. Our minds wither as though the life giving springs of compassion have been dammed up. The only salvation I've found, at the cost of everything, is grasped by precious few, misrepresented by many. The saviour gives strength, but you, I must take hold of it for ourselves.

Hope Exists

I forgot in my previous post, about a bit of the story from Cincy. During the course of our visit, Marquis and Marquisha's grandma showed me pictures and trophies that her son had won. He was their inspiration as a football player, son and relative that made it past the poverty. They had hope in him, that he could make it past the wretchedness of their situation and fulfill his potential. I just pray that someday they'll hope/trust in the God that loves them and can provide their every need.

Cincinnati

This week, my high school youth group went down to Cincinnati, Ohio for a mission trip. I went down this year for the first time as a sort-of leader because I'm out of high school. Although it was hardly my first time (fifth?), God found a way to break my heart. One day during the week, I helped bring two of the kids, Marquis and Marquisha, home after day camp. When we arrived at the place where they lived and began walking up the trash filled, broken down, splintered stairs up to the apartment they inhabited with their mother and grandparents, I tried to prepare myself for what we would find. Nothing could...in their home there was a wall of overflowing trash bags against one wall of their kitchen area. Their grandparents welcomed us in and talked with us while their mother filled out forms allowing them to attend the day camp. As I talked politics with the grandfather it just filled me with sadness at how these children lived, taken care of by adults who filled their lives with addiction to drugs and alcohol, little time with adults that show they care. The children live in absolute squalor, relying on electricity from an extension cord on the first floor because they can't afford the monthly bill. I go back to my home to electricity, water, food, parents that aren't taking hits, and am able to write about it on my computer to essentially myself. It's so hard to write this, knowing that I'm reaching an audience of zero, and that while I'm writing, they're probably hungry and feeling unloved. Marquis, Marquisha...you are loved. I'm sorry.

Next Semester

Difficult, torturous, what am I getting myself into? O-Chem, Honors Philosophy, Physics E&M, Engineering Thermodynamics, tutoring...will I survive? The three labs and philosophy will no doubt degrade and tarnish my soul, leaving me the wreck of what once could function. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I know that I must survive. After all, I don't have it this bad.

Save what?

Has it occurred to anyone that instead of trying to "save" the planet, we should be trying to save ourselves from certain death instead. Seriously, the only thing that the earth has to worry about is not becoming dust after colliding with another astronomical body, we have to worry about conditions that support life as we know it. I was watching Stargate SG-1 the other day and there was a Gadmeer craft converting a planet from being carbon based to sulfur. Notwithstanding the possibility of this, the planet could have cared less whether the Enkarans or Gadmeer inhabit the place, heck the planet can't even care at all. It's the same here; our planet can withstand global-warming, ice ages and American politics. The real question is: "Can humans?" Like the earth said, "Save Your Sorry Arse."

Balance

Balance is an impossible task for me to perform. It seeks to undermine all I do, by slipping away as a will o' the wisp. My mind is filled by all but what's necessary. Duties slip past, my memory fails, yet I'm too stubborn to use any material help. Get with the program buddy.

Worldview

Conflicting viewpoints can be the most rupturing parts of life. You're taught to perceive life one way, but you learn about the "right" way through the lens of a different world view. I was taught about Jesus all my life, but the way I understood Him was through a modernist view. I didn't take Him for what He was and concentrated on the divinity of His being without understanding His humanity. Not only that, but I've sifted what I believe about Him based on a scientific, Newtonian ideal, which completely skews what He was and now is about. His message was LOVE, the miracles and signs were great, but He came among us, died for us, in order to LOVE on us. This is the Jesus I wish that I'd met from day one.

Living

Should I go for it? Should I jump into the cold small lake in the dead of night, naked as the day of my birth? Yes...yes, I jump and am swallowed. The lake--chill and crisp--welcomes my frame and refreshes me surprises me, delights while nearly killing me. If I knew why my silly delusional mind deemed it wise to embrace the smooth almost icy surface, what use would I have for life? The experiences and failures that pave the road of life define us and guide us. Why deprive my/yourself of these possibilities. Maybe skinny-dipping in the pond of life is what keeps us alive. Will you swim with me?

Complicated

There's no denying it...life is complicated. You're busy, you have things to do, places to be, people to see. Everything can't be fit into one hour, day, week, but we try and try and try again. What if we just did; what if we didn't worry about how things happened, but that they did? Would we make up time or would we just delude ourselves? Live for others, don't worry about tomorrow...I think some smart guy who loved on mankind first said that. The lives we live are our own and the lives we plan on living never occur. Live for people and everyone will walk all over you, live for your maker and the world will take notice.

The Value of a Smile

A smile, when received from the right person, can make or break a day. Obviously most smiles make days, but sometimes you receive a smile that you just don't know about, the smile that might be politely telling you to back off, sometimes it's hard to judge. Then, of course, there's the smile and greeting that makes your day... when she stops talking to her friend to say, "Hi." Those are the smile and words that can make you want to laugh long and loud out of sheer giddiness, those are the moments that cause you to write on the Internet to audiences of none but yourself, this is what life at its best looks like.

Cornmeal!

So soft, so fine, so literarily pleasing. If you're jonesing for some Johnnycake, it's the cornmeal, if some Nomadi is what you see, it's the cornmeal. There are things in life, that when combined with others, add scintillating detail and insight to the group as a whole--cornmeal and mittens. Did such a combination exist so perfectly (except for maybe Marie and Pierre)? What happens when you mix mittens, cornmeal and a little bit of water you ask. Well that of course would be pasty, stiff mittens.

Rotavirus?

From where did thou come, I know where thou hast gonst, I know how thou hast gonst there, but the use of "thou" can really not tell of thoust horror. First came the dizziness, then the nausea, then thou leftest me whence to return, pray tell, never. Look uponst me in favor, yield not if thou shaltst, but begone I beg. Yet thist ist how I feelst. What a poetic injustice.

Life

Our world, our universe, so complex, yet so frail and chaotic. Laws and orders explain the mystery, yet deep inside we wonder how. No matter how deep we think we understand, there is so much more to know and to wonder at. Scientists wonder at the stars, and yet don't understand their own species. The jerk on the road, the idiot at the game, how can an understanding as deep as ours fail to transcend our lives, and cause us to hate our brothers. Look inside and you will see that it isn't you, it's me.

why

Why, when the world falls apart, must we feast on anothers pain.
Why, do we let fester wounds that grow and choke and kill.
Why, does our nature want to throw all good away.

For us, for our own selfish nature, for the things that make us who we've never wanted to be, yet we become that person, never allowed to go back, yet always digging.